The Duchess - review and regail - TOSMAG

I hit the red-carpet at my first film Premiere last night. The Duchess starring Keira Knightley. It was tempting to say the ever-skinny, the 'rexic the Bullmi-tart Knightley. In fact - i have to say, i love her body and think that she is actually smokin' hot. So there we have it, i have avoided falling into the trap of the editorially obvious and made my appreciation for the skinny female form known.

En route to Leicester Square after work, a flash of colour - from a distant Soho Bin-Liner mountain range caught my eye. It was in fact on closer inspection a union jack beach bag, one that would conjur memories of ice-cream and sea-salty air if it were not for the rotting chinese debris below it. I picked up the bag, having checked it was clean put it under my arm and carried on. Arriving at the red carpet, the worlds press and a screaming public either side of the barriers, i endeavored to pace it past to quash feeling like a complete idiot, union-jack beach back firmly under my arm. This stretched a good 75 metres up to the Odeon entrance, and as i strode - i observed the blank 'who the hell is that' look on the faces of the crowd whenever i dare look up. I got to the entrance, SCORE! The pain was over. Then i felt the vibration in my pocket, it was Tasha - who informed me she was having a cigarette at the other end and to back down the carpet. Believing this to be some kind of secret free drinks area i gulped and went at an even quicker pace past about fifty photographers and some spotty teenagers who were shouting abuse at me. I moved faster - pathetic i know, but the humilation was making me sweat - a lot! My heart then suddenly sank as i realised i was at a dead end, my phone vibrated again. Tash was actually exactly where i had been before.. so this would mean i would have to walk past the worlds press and hoard of abusive hoi palloi AGAIN.

keira_knighley_duchess

After the ordeal was over and i had got enough celeb eye-candy, i sat in my seat. I presumed i was in the cheap seats till George Osborn MP, shadow chancellor sat in front of me with his stereotypically frumpy wife - its must be the credit crunch! Alan Yentob was to my right and in front were two little girls and their mother, who shot more than a few evil glances at me, when the crunching of my popcorn irritated her at first and then
second when she realised it was hers. I did not feel too bad about it by the end of the film however, this caustic mother happily let her 8 year old girl sit through a raoe scene, a lesbian dalliance and an energetc romp - i had claimed moral ground!

Watching George Osborn squirm at the site of naked flesh gave every sex scene special character for me, they were raunchy in a restrained sort of way - but in the end, it was the scenery and the costumes that will ultimately take most praise. I was actually rather amused the whole way through the film; Ralph Feinnes pumped out regular gags with the Duke's buffoon like misogyny - and the repeated 'three people in this marriage' theme that seemed to mirror Princess Diana's past situation both drew gasps and laughs.

In all i give the film a thumbs up, however it was definitely only watchable the one time only. The long gazes and meaningful silences were what made observing the embarassed squirmings of a middle aged man rather than the feature film a lot more fascinating.

Comments

written on 04-Sep-2008

chickerino says:

people will recognise you one day James, and then you'll look back with envious eyes at your nervous sweaty red carpet with abusive hoard (btw that's a pretty harsh word for the plebeian masses) moment and wish it were like that again ...
written on 08-Sep-2008

wdcgroundworks says:

Very amusing recall of a nice evening out! I wouldnt mind a moment on the red carpet myself even if it was a sweaty slightly embarrasing moment, however you should strut your stuff and be proud you were on the right side fo the masses rather than miggling amongst them.
As for the pop corn any one who eats popcorn at a movie like the duchess deserves to have their popcorn swiped!
written on 08-Sep-2008

wdcgroundworks says:

Very amusing recall of a nice evening out! I wouldnt mind a moment on the red carpet myself even if it was a sweaty slightly embarrasing moment, however you should strut your stuff and be proud you were on the right side fo the masses rather than miggling amongst them.
As for the pop corn any one who eats popcorn at a movie like the duchess deserves to have their popcorn swiped!

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