Our concern for this so called Credit Crunch stretches about as far as it did when we were told they would stop making Wispa bars or when we informed that there would be a spin off of Inspector Morse, (did anyone ever watch ‘Lewis’?)

So we’ve taken time out of our day and worked out how to make the most of a bad situation, how to turn your fixed rate nightmare into an Olympic gold. We’re no Martin Lewis but we are young, futile and full of ideas.

Let’s start big. Your Home.

Whether you are renting or a home owner here’s a few straight from the Blue Peter hall of fame to get your juices tingling. First up house swap. Find a mate who is a little bored of their apartment and switch for a bit. Get a taste of life in another part of town and before you know it you’ll be begging for your comfy bed back

▪ Go to the supermarket last thing on a Sunday afternoon. The shelves will be so empty you'll think that Hurricane Gustav's on his way, but significant savings are to be made on the heavily reduced products that do remain. Also, the challenge of combining random ingredients like extra-mature cheddar, taramasolata and a grapefruit will make you feel like a contestant on Ready Steady Cook.

▪ Instead of buying DVDs or going to the cinema, go on www.internetarchive.org and download literally hundreds of out-of-copyright films for free - totally legally. As well as some real gems like 'The Cabinet of Dr Caligari', 'The House on Haunted Hill' and 'Metropolis,' there are enough unintentionally hilarious curios like 'Invasion of the Bee Girls,' 'Teenagers from Outer Space' and 'No, No, Nanette' to make sure you need never go to Blockbuster again.

▪ Stop going to the pub and embrace Parisian café culture right here in London by drinking outdoors. Non-named brands of beers, wines and spirits can be had at a fraction of the cost in Newsagents and corner shops, and street furniture like bins and post boxes make for ideal surfaces to rest your drink on. Add to this the non-existent smoking ban and the fascinating conversations you will inevitably have with other revellers (once I was offered a significant discount on Italian marble flooring by a complete stranger while drinking next to a bin), and you'll ask yourself why you never did it before.

▪ Instead of buying an expensive, big fuck-off newspaper at the weekend, just collect the free ones that are handed to you throughout the week, don't read them and tie them together with twine. Then on a Sunday morning, make yourself a lovely cuppa and sit back to read about Kelly Osbourne and Rhys Ifans' latest exploits, as well as previews of rubbish gigs that you've just missed. You will save money, but will feel your brain and soul melting within you.

▪ If you're an animal lover, be creative about getting a pet. Dogs and cats are time-consuming and expensive, whereas rats are low-maintenance and extremely intelligent. Encourage them by leaving half-open bags of rubbish just outside your house, and in no time you'll be overrun with the loveable disease-ridden little bastards.

▪ Pretend to be ill. You'll find that friends, partners and housemates will be extra-nice, and maybe even buy you things and cook you stuff, as long as you don’t take the piss. All you have to do is lie there on the sofa or in bed, half-close your eyes when someone's looking at you and stop wearing deodorant. You won't have to leave the house for a few days, thereby saving money on transport and socialising, and you can catch up on reading or watching Jeremy Kyle.

▪ Get some extra pocket money by taking part in clinical drugs trials. Sure, there were those guys a couple of years ago whose fingers started falling off and their heads swole up till they looked like the mascots of Second Division football teams, but cash is cash and who are you to be so fucking picky? At the very least you might get some free paracetamol out of it.

▪ Libraries are great. Despite the modern tendency to rebrand them as 'Knowledge Shacks' or 'Mind Marts,' some of them actually still have books in them. They are usually warm, quiet and full of the elderly so you can sleep in them for a good few hours before anyone notices, making them ideal places to go and nurse a hangover after a heavy night on the bins. Best of all, they're free, and even if you're only flicking through the Dorling Kindersly Book of Pirates, it still feels like you're doing valuable research.

And that's it. I don't want my name to appear on it if used  - just a thank you would be fine.

Ta-Ra!

From the editor - thank you

London is full of stories, and the characters of Poppycockney will show you the ins and outs of your favourite city, as well as the exciting events that you should be attending. The site features a weekly round up of all the action, and the characters interact with readers and each other. Readers can also cast their vote in online polls to decide the fate of their favourite character, and can even win the chance to write their own character for Poppycockney.

Some of London's best bloggers are involved with Poppycockney, including Londonist's Food and Drink editor Chris Osburn, and former Dollymix editor Cate Sevilla. Combining the addictive aspect of a soap opera with the need-to-know information about every aspect of London, Poppycockney's diverse characters cater for everyone, entertaining and informing all at once.

Read more now at www.poppycockney.com.

Q. My flatmate has recently taken up the electric guitar and has just purchased a new amp. As my room is above his and my 6am-start-joyous job means I don’t get the luxury of an all day lie in; how can I politely tell him to keep it down if he starts to play AC/DC at 4am?

A. I would suggest earplugs, they are the solution to many of the World’s problems and are commonly used in house situations when someone (usually a completely tone deaf insomniac) decides to express their endearing creativity through music.

Check out more agony aunt q & a's or got a question then just click here 

Another year another call of the mud! Fuelled by extra strong cider we listen to our favourite tunes trying our best to relive a trip into work in the morning on the tube in a field! Yes that's right, music festivals.

The UK has gone crazy for music festivals with pretty much every enterprising farmer turning their field/meadow into a vehicle for every young and old person to live their hedonistic dreams in a field...........covered by mud! Being an old hand at these festival things-yes I lived through 'that Glastonbury' and still went back last year, I drank a can of Tennants for breakfast at T in the Park yar de yar bla blar I knew the my festival future didn't have to clean me out of all of my hard earned mullar.

After spending the same on a very messy Glastonbury last year as a month long trip around Eastern Europe I had to think my festival choice through very hard. Sometimes my brain tends to work pretty slowly but mega expensive British festivals and expensive beer didn't add up. Wait a minute Eastern Europe has cheap beer, it is hotter than this country, the people are, by in large, friendlier AND it has music festivals.........The idea for going to Heineken Opener was born.

Heineken Opener  

Life's a beach

The weather being up in North Poland was beautiful, every morning I awoke in my own night sweat about 9am after a hard night of drinking. The festival didn't even open until 3pm so it was either beer, Polish vodka or a wonder down to the local newsagents on the way to the beach. The selection of the food on the campsite was pretty poor with some wild and wonderful things available like gerkins from our own little supermarket. The pizza was like cardboard with tomato paste and the burgers made MacDonalds burger look like a Gourmet Burger Kitchen burger! We'd head down to the beach every day about 11ish after using the showers or using some of the well accessible and clean facilities. There was no Glastonbury hovering over mounds of shit going on! There was also a more than ample supply of toilet roll-that stuff is normally like gold dust! The beach was great complete with a purpose built marque for more drinking by the beach. We made a lot of friends down at the beach. I even got offered some lovely home made Gerkins in juice with Polish vodka-not bad for 11's! I get the feeling that the Pole's were more interested in my inflatable dinosaur, but who cares Dino is always a great man to watch in action!

I love you guys.......you're crazy!

The music was fantastic with the Editors doing a fanstic set, all the Poles knew their songs better than I did. Embarassingly I actually enjoyed the Jay Z set-again the atmosphere made it. The funky house bunker was so much fun. Chemical brothers did quite a slow set and I was a little disappointed being a massive electronica fan but when it finally got going it was fantastic-the atmosphere was great and the light show and visuals were superb!

3 zlotys: I'm not paying that, I'm English you know!

The food once you were inside the 'fortress' was pretty damn good. You tend to forget how cheap it still is when they say 3 vouchers you spit blood but that is actally less than 2 quid for a massive meal! 3 vouchers was like the universal price-it could get you a beer, a meal, a tattoo. My friend got a dragon tattoo so to compete I got a Dino tattoo! Yeah you're right we were pretty daft on this holiday! The Poles were so friendly, the music was great.  

It was a well oiled festival machine and I would recomend to anyone who wants to try out a festival with better weather, less messed up Biritsh people (we were the only messed up Brits I bumped into) and more importantly cheap alcohol!

 Why don't you just try a bit of culture..............................

Everyone has read Shakespeare at some stage in their lives and had a teacher explain the subtext and underlying meanings of the subtext besieged against the rampant love stories intertwining with the comedy, the twists and the deaths. What? Yeah…sorry, my point is that if you read Shakespeare you may learn a thing or two from the characters. I know it’s a script, but perhaps it’s the fact that people were able to say things in that manner way back when. At the beginning of A Midsummer Nights Dream we are treated to Theseus talking to Hippolyta;

“I woo’d thee with my sword,

And won thy love doing thee injuries;

But I will wed thee in another key,

With pomp, with triumph and with revelling.”

It got me thinking. Imagine a white van driver pulling up alongside a lady at some traficlights and exclaiming “Oh speak again, bright angel, for though art as glorious to this night as a winged messenger of heaven.” It won’t happen, ever I mean unless the white van drivers evolve or something…anyway off the point again. I’ve had to read a heck of a lot of Shakespeare this week to find these petit quotes and I found my favourite in ACT II SCENE II of Romeo and Juliet as Romeo cries “O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?”Juliet replies something along the lines of “What satisfaction canst thou have tonight? And just when you think he’s gonna say “a quickie” he gives it the “The exchange of thy love’s faithful vow for mine.” What a bloody smooth operator, she’s gonna melt, she’ll be like butter in his hands for the rest of time…or at least until she foolishly kills herself. So my little point is that being romantic and smooth will get you anywhere just look at Romeo, Lionel Richie or Chef!

[exeunt.]

The guest list reads like a who's who of nobodies yet they are blissfully unaware of their insignificance maybe as they believe their several hundred facebook friends actually mean something. They arrive drug clad and adorned with perfectly applied UV Paint and armed with glowsticks which they swan around with all night. Feigning musical knowledge people pretentiously band around the terms electro and minimal to music from various musical genres, then on seeing John Patterton-Smith or the like they say "I never knew you were into this kind of thing" (Drugs essentially) and they have semi-competitive discussions about who got into the music first, lives the most indulgent life or who has been to fabric more times.

All this occurs to a background of intricately designed drapes and uv paint that has been sprayed willy nilly in a Pollock-like manner. Amongst the crowd mingle some degenerate drug addled nutters who attract all sorts of glares as this is meant to be an exclusive night, no hoi polloi here please and such. Meanwhile behind the decks is some glorified wally who is so confused by their musical knowledge and social standing that any chat with them reveals a despicable attitude to the world, a sort of assumed intelligence/insight hides a shocking level of ignorance and confusion. A look of sheer smugness appears on his face along with the promoters (meanwhile they finally feel like they’re showing all the teachers considered them dropouts that they are going places) as they feel like they are part of a movement, this is ground-breaking stuff, they have managed to bring together people from public schools all over the country and all of them are in a state. For most of these people this is the only time that they see al their fellow colleagues and what better way to see them than gurning off your tits, with your eyes at the back of your head with a frighteningly large grin grinding your teeth in tune with the melodic beats subjecting your old colleagues to a relentless stream of drivel. How else could they formulate such a well informed opinion of you and what you are doing in your life having not seen you in several years.

However you are now all best friends, surfing on a wave of artificial ephemeral happiness, Jimmy Cousins with whom you never had a meaningful conversation is now talking to you about the meaning of life/reality and how he never appreciated your friendship until now (a sentiment that soon disappears in the early hours), he then highlights how he knows the only black person in the club by waving enthusiastically and persistently in his general direction, most probably the fat non entity from snatch who always hangs around Cuckoo club. How have these people escaped ridicule so much when it is so deserved. Maybe it is due to the fact that they don’t really mingle with anyone else or with people from any different background; the phrase variety is the spice of life has never been more true.