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Here's The Other Side’s Off Side’s latest attempt at name-based humour (with tragic consequences). It’s important for any footballer to secure himself a decent job once they retire from the game – after all, there’s only so many punditry slots available and Robbie Fowler bought all the houses. Fully expecting our P45s as a result of this, here’s our alternative jobs/occupations XI...
GK - Pepe Dog TReina
RB - Moritz Dancer Volz
LB - Matthew Tailor
CB - Ricardo Car-Valet-O
CB - Anthony Gardener
RM - Gavin McCannic
LM - Stelios Giannokop-lost property officer
CM - Nigel Courier-Coker
CM - Michael Hairdressien
CF - Gabriel Agbonla-whore
CF - Emile HeSki-instructor
On the bench:
Jussi Jaaske-Linesman, Amdy Fayerman, Cesc Fabregasman, Andriy Chefchenko, Ivan Campodium Dancer, Shola AmeoBeekeeper and Tal Binman Haim
Chairman - Freddy Shepherd
Manager - Paul Jeweller
Assistant Manager - "Bobby" Robson
GK Coach - Gordon Banks Manager
Home matches played in front of The Cop, with punditry from Alan Sheep Shearer.
Thanks to PKid and Gav for this XI .Think you can do better than this (well, it’s not hard) and got an XI of your own? Then stick it on the forum. The best entry will be published in the magazine and the winner will receive free tickets to an Underhill Engineering Plymouth and West Devon Combination Intermediate Division match of their choice.
The Other Side's Offside
The Other Side's Offside - a regular visitor to Tom Henning Ovrebo’s couch
With the Premier League season almost done and dusted, there’s just time for us to give you our top 10 moments from the year so far. What fun! Check out Robinho, Pardew, Fuller, Macheda and all sorts of nonsense down the bottom of the page.
We've also got an exclusive for you - a sneak peak into the diary of Joseph Anthony Barton, aged 26½. He works for the Messiah, and he's a very naughty boy...
Vent your footballing spleen here...
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I'm in, guardian and premier league. YES! I accept your challenge. I suggest we have some kind of Prize pot.
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i have my guardian and the other one fantasy teams all set up, who dares challenge me?
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It's the footy news! wow - now I no longer need to go and visit my chosen sports site - I can come straight here!
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Ball ball ball, footy footy footy...
Top 10 moments of the Premier League season so far
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Written on 19-May-2009 by offsideWith the Premier League season almost done and dusted, there’s just time for us to give you our top 10 moments from the year so far. What fun!
Tell us your best moments of the season in the comments section...
10. Robinho’s geography lesson
A decent “will he, won’t he” with a surprise ending with Robinho ending up at City. When he was unveiled, he told reporters that "On the last day, Chelsea made a great proposal and I accepted." "You mean Manchester, right?" they asked. "Yeah, Manchester, sorry!" said Robinho. Good one son!
9. Marouane Fellaini’s hair
Footballer by day, extra from Shaft by night
8. Berbatov pays the penalty
Weak doesn’t even begin to describe the penalty Dimitar Berbatov took in the FA Cup semi final against Everton. Shocker.
7. Fuller shows Ricky Hatton how it’s done
When West Ham equalised against Stoke, Ricardo Fuller’s response was to slap team mate Andy Griffin in the face! Fair enough.
6. "He absolutely rapes him"
Alan Pardew’s interesting thoughts on Michael Essien’s football skills mean that he won’t be invited back to the MOTD sofa in a hurry. Good news, because it leaves more room for Gazza.
5. Macheda arrives
Who are ya? A question nobody asks Federico Macheda any more after the boy-man’s incredible last minute curler to beat Villa at Old Trafford.
4. 4-4s
A season of classics. Arsenal v Tottenham, Chelsea v Liverpool, Liverpool v Arsenal – great for the neutrals!
3. Happy Harry receives the freedom of Pompey
Harry Redknapp received the Freedom of the City of Portsmouth in a ceremony on 28 October. Given that he’d left for Tottenham on 26 October, the reception he received from the Pompey faithful could best be described as “mixed”.
2. Rafa’s rant
Anyone who says that Fergie’s mind games don’t work just needs to read the transcript of Rafa’s mid-season rant. “I want to talk about facts. I want to be clear, I do not want to play mind games too early”. You tell ‘em Rafa.
1. Chelsea v Barcelona
Three words: Tom Henning Ovrebo. Classic! Calm down Didier, it’s only a commercial...
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