Annies Bar regulars dream up tasty punishments for shaken MPs

Enraged voters finding MPs’ overblown expenses hard to swallow are being offered a chance to wash away the pain of their wasted taxes - with some appropriately named drinks.

Staff at Annies Bar in Kentish Town were so incensed by MPs’ claims for duck islands, chandeliers, pornographic films and wisteria removal that they did the only thing they knew how to – designed special cocktails.

“Everyone at Annies was furious about the MPs expenses scandal,” says Maria Connolly, owner of the enterprising bar.

“Bani, our resident mixologist, was joking with customers about designing some drinks and we asked what the best names would be.

“We were so impressed we have decided to use the menu – but rest assured, no MPs will get any freebies here.”

Annies Bar’s Expenses Cocktail List

1. Duck Island Iced Tea – drives you quackers
2. Lynchers Lemonade – the drinkers are revolting
3. Martin Martini – shaken, shaken some more, hardly stirred
4. Morley Mojito – you need to order two, as the first isn’t really there. Honest.
5. Singapore Slip – think of a number, double it, claim it, write it down
6. Bloody Wary – we should have been
7. Right Rushon – to clear their names before the papers expose them
8. Slippery Nipple – because there are plenty of greasy tits in Parliament
9. Flipping Marvellous – expenses – if you’re an MP (served in two glasses)
10. Moat et Chandon – cleaner than Douglas Hogg’s conscience